Cleaned, corrected and re-synced by Tronar
You can catch all that action
on "CSC On Campus With Stan Myers" coming up at the top of the hour.
And you won't want to miss championship billiards at 1:00 A.M.
Yoshira Yatsimura takes on Greta Lipsik
for the 9-ball crown,
and when those two get together, it's a barn burner.
That's all for us.
I'm Casey McCall alongside Dan Rydell.
And if you've had half as much fun watching the show as we've had doing it,
well, then we've had twice as much fun doing the show
as you've had watching it. That's "Sports Night."
- See you tomorrow. - Good night.
- Music. - Go.
- Roll credits. - Go.
We're out.
Nice show, everybody.
- What are you doing tonight? - Going to sleep.
- Come out with me. - Where?
El Perro Fumando.
- The Smoking Dog. - Yes.
Why?
If you wear something blue, you get two dollars off a giant blue margarita.
You know, I make a pretty good living.
I can actually afford to wear what I want and pay full price.
I'm not promoting the economic upside as much as I am
the opportunity to drink something giant and blue.
I'm going to bed.
- Dana's coming. - Dana's coming?
And you know what that can lead to.
"Boogie Shoes."
♪ My, my, my, my, my boogie shoes... ♪
I'm in. Hey, Jeremy, we're going to this place called El Perro Fumando,
where, if, what, you wear a thing, then something else happens
- for $2 less than it would've before. - Come with us.
Here's the thing... if Dana gets, like, half a margarita in her,
there's a better than even chance she'll get up on a table
and start dancing to "My Boogie Shoes."
I did it one time.
El Perro Fumando?
The Flaming Dog.
Smoking Dog.
Not The Flaming Dog?
The dog's not gay.
I wasn't suggesting the dog was gay.
I was suggesting the dog was on fire.
He's not smoking on fire. He's smoking a cigarette.
- He's smoking a pipe. - He's smoking a cigar.
I say he's gay.
Come on out with us.
No, I'll catch up later.
Work's over, Jeremy.
It's time for big, giant blue things at $2 off.
I just wanted to write a quick letter to my sister, Louise. She's a sophomore at Amherst.
- You write letters? - I write to Louise.
That's nice. I haven't written a letter in years.
I do everything by phone now.
My sister can't hear.
Ah... well, catch up with us when you're done.
And wear something blue.
You want me to stick around for company?
- Me? - Yeah. I can stick around.
No, no, I've got everything... word processor, envelope.
- Okay... stamps? - Okay.
Oh, I actually don't have a stamp to speak of, but that's okay.
I've found that when I need a stamp,
one materializes.
I never know where one's gonna come from,
but they always do... stamps.
I haven't found that. I've found that when I need a stamp, there's never one around.
This was back when I used to write letters.
When I used to write letters, I could never find a stamp.
Hey. Can you guess what I'm thinking now?
That no one gives a damn about me and my history with stamps?
- Bull's-eye. - Mmm.
You'll come by later, though, right?
Sure.
How do we know the dog is a he?
"El Perro" is masculine.
Sounds like Dana's translation has him leaning another way.
Dear Louise...
Dear Louise, it's a little after midnight on Thursday,
and I'm sitting in the middle
of the main newsroom at "Sports Night."
I can't even begin to describe how much I love this place.
I've only been here three months,
but it feels a lot like home to me.
Some of the guys asked me
to go out with them after the show tonight.
That's never happened before.
I'd kinda like to join them,
so I'm gonna make this a short one.
In your last letter, you asked me what Dan and Casey are like.
And I can't wait to tell you all about them in person,
but, for now, I'll just say
that as impressive as they are on the air,
the thing that constantly amazes me
is that the pressure of writing and performing
a live show every night never gets to them.
- What's going on? - Where have you been?
Well, I was in Editing. Kim said there was an emergency.
- It is an emergency. - Is it your mom?
- What's wrong with my mom? - I'm asking.
- It's not my mom. - Well, what is it?
- Why did you say it was my mom? - I didn't say it was your mom.
Yeah, but you jumped to that right away, which makes me think
there's something wrong with my mom, Casey. What's wrong with my mom, man?
Danny, Danny, I'm on deadline here. Is there an emergency or not?
Yeah.
Well, what?
It's pretty serious.
What?
I have writer's block.
You have writer's block?
I have writer's block.
- Emergency writer's block? - I'm telling you.
All right, how long?
A while now... about 20 minutes.
Just cool down. You're gripping, that's all.
Talk me through this.
Well, are you totally lost?
I'm totally lost, man.
I'm in the tall grass. I'm in the weeds!
All right, all right, listen to me.
We're the best, okay? The very best.
- Yeah? - Well, maybe not the best, but we're pretty good.
- Right. - I put us easily into the top 30 or 40.
Okay, this isn't helping me.
- Hey, look at me. We've won awards. - Ah, you've won awards.
- You've won awards. - I haven't won awards.
You've been nominated for awards.
- It's not the same. - Sure it is.
That's easy for you to say... you've won awards.
Hey, look, we write the news. It's not like we're hurting for story ideas.
- What's the problem? - I can't write.
I mean exactly what's the problem.
- Exactly? - Yeah.
I can't write!
- What are you working on? - Red Wings/Flyers.
All right. Let me see.
"The Flyers played the Red Wings in a hockey game last night,
and they won four to three."
You see?
This is more serious than I thought.
Morning, gentlemen.
- Hey, Isaac. - Morning.
Isaac Jaffee is the managing editor of "Sports Night."
He's led a pretty remarkable life.
He started out as a stringer for the Atlanta Journal,
won a Pulitzer Prize for his coverage of the Gemini missions,
and retired as London bureau chief for CNN.
But his passion has always been sports.
Three years ago, when Luther Sachs bought Continental Corp.
And announced that he was starting a cable-sports division,
Isaac came out of retirement.
- Isaac. - Dana.
How are you this morning?
My 16-year-old daughter is dating a Republican in her class named Chad.
Chad's a 16-year-old Republican?
- That's right. - I didn't know 16-year-olds had party affiliations.
Chad was just elected president
of the Connecticut Young Black Republican caucus.
He has a 3.9 GPA,
he is co-captain of the lacrosse team,
he plays the French horn,
and does volunteer work at a crisis hotline.
Sounds wonderful.
Dana, did you hear me? He's a Republican!
A lot of folks are running in that direction these days, Isaac.
Yeah? Well, I don't want 'em sniffing around my women.
What are you gonna do?
What any reasonable man would do...
I'm calling a building contractor and installing a dungeon.
- Excuse me, Isaac. - Good morning, Natalie.
Have you ever heard of someone named Archibald Russell?
- Archibald Russell? - Yeah.
Doesn't ring a bell.
- Okay. - Why?
Uh, Kelly Kirkpatrick just called in from Kansas City.
She was scanning, and she picked up a police report on a guy named Archibald Russell
who was carjacked this morning and beaten up pretty bad.
She thought the name sounded familiar, and she asked me to ask you.
No.
- Rundown's in five minutes. - Okay.
What was I saying?
You were building a dungeon
to incarcerate any Republican suitors.
And a moat...
a big moat.
There are four rundown meetings a day...
noon, 6:00, 8:00, and 10:00.
I'm sure that in no time I'll have forgotten about it,
but at the moment,
I can't stop thinking about the noon rundown a few weeks ago
and a guy you've never heard of named Archibald Russell.
Oh, by the way, Isaac? I got the 4-1-1 on that man, Archibald Russell.
He was a pitcher with the old Kansas City Monarchs.
Archibald Russell?
Yep.
- Oh, good Lord. - What?
Archibald Russell was A.K. I knew him as A.K.
He was beaten up?
A.K. Russell?
He was carjacked this morning. They dragged him from his car.
- He's in surgery right now. - You know him?
Sure, I know him. Sweetest man in the world. Terrific ballplayer.
Nobody noticed him
because he played on the same team as Gibson and Jackie.
Aw, hell, I gotta find his kids and call them.
We'll find them for you.
Dana, do the story, would you? Somewhere up front.
Yeah. Jeremy, put together something
on an old Negro League pitcher named Archibald Russell.
He's in Mercy Hospital in Kansas City.
Yeah, it's no problem. But I don't know if we can fit it anywhere up front.
- Sure we can. - No, we've got 4 top-25 games,
plus we'll probably have some word on Tyson,
and we're gonna want to put the Lakers/Knicks in the first 10.
- We'll do it anyway. - Well, I'm just saying, is there really room
for a story with, at best, local interest in Kansas City mayb...?
We'll put it up front, Isaac, right before the first break.
- Thank you. - Back here at 2:00.
I felt terrible for suggesting that the story.
lacked the importance to be placed in an early segment.
But as terrible as I felt then,
it was nothing compared to what I was gonna feel that night.
A disheartening road trip for the Miami Heat.
Said Pat Riley after the game,
"If you can't play defense, you can't play in the NBA." Casey?
Archibald "A.K." Russell
is probably not a name you're familiar with,
unless you were lucky enough to watch the Kansas City Monarchs
play baseball the way it was meant to be played.
He had 320-win seasons,
he's an associate pastor at the Berry Hill Baptist Church,
and, oh yeah, taught himself how to read and write.
He was driving the Cadillac Seville
that his 4 sons had given him for his 80th birthday
when he stopped for a red light this morning.
He was dragged from his car, beaten with sticks and bottles,
and left at the side of the road.
A.K.'s in critical condition in Mercy Hospital in Kansas City,
and the thoughts and prayers of everyone here are with him.
We'll be back after this.
We're out.
21I2 minutes back.
Thank you.
And then Kim came in with the note.
Chris... we'll need a graphic.
Yeah. Elliott, can you get me a year?
'17... 1917.
Dan, Casey?
Guys, A.K. Russell was just pronounced dead.
- Okay? - Yeah, all right.
You got the graphic locked in?
Yeah.
Show it to me, please.
We're back in two minutes.
You like it?
Yes.
Really?
It's very nice.
Elliott, are you telling me the ice cleared, the goalies came out of the net,
and they just started going after each other?
Yeah, threw their gloves off and everything.
- I don't mean to harp on this, but you really like it? - What?
Yes. They threw their gloves off?
- Yes. - And we didn't have any film on this?
- Technically, it's just one glove. - How is it one glove?
- Goalies wear one glove and one catcher's mitt. - It's a first baseman's mitt.
- Catcher's! - First!
Oh, who gives a damn? We didn't get any film.
Casey?
Uh, would you please tell Dana her hair looks good.
- Your hair looks good. - Your hair looks good.
Thank you.
Dana Whitaker is the executive producer
of "Sports Night," a great accomplishment for a woman her age.
She got her love of sports from her father and 6 brothers,
one of whom plays for the Denver Broncos.
She got her education from a series of exclusive all-girls schools
that her mother insisted she attend
so that she wouldn't grow up to be like her father and 6 brothers.
The result is an irresistible combination of brilliance inside the office
and something a little less than brilliance anywhere outside of it.
Excuse me. Uh, uh, uh, uh, ooh!
You don't like my hair at all.
Dana, I...
Casey! Gordon's taking me to Gracie Mansion tonight
for a dinner with the mayor.
Exactly what consequence will befall you
if the mayor is displeased with your hair?
- You don't think he's gonna like my hair? - Dana...
Casey... you want to talk in your office?
Why would I want to talk in my office?
I think you're having some Gordon issues.
I'm not having Gordon issues.
- You are. - I'm not.
- Little issues. - I'm really not.
Let's talk in your office.
The Casey-Dana saga is pretty much this...
Dana thinks that Casey's jealous of her relationship
with Gordon, her new boyfriend, which he is.
Casey claims he has no interest in Dana one way or the other, which he does.
Dana knows how Casey feels and does her best to be sensitive with him.
Do you feel inferior because he's a lawyer?
I don't feel inferior.
And if I felt inferior,
it wouldn't be because he's a lawyer.
Would it be because of his obvious physical prowess?
I really couldn't comment on his prowess.
Though God knows I could.
You think that I'm jealous of Gordon because he's a lawyer?
You have an envy of postgraduate degrees... always have.
Do you have a sense of exactly what day you turned into a lunatic woman?
Gordon Gage... B.A., M.A., J.D.
He's got an M.A., too?
See ya!
By the way...
Read in the paper this morning about Sammy Galino.
You can't mention that.
- Really? - No, seriously,
Casey, when Gordon gets here,
you can't make fun of the Sammy Galino thing.
I think I can.
Casey, he and his team worked for 4 1/2 years
to build a case against Galino.
This would have been a huge blow to organized crime in Brooklyn and the whole city.
They worked 18-hour days. They wanted this... there is no comedy here.
Sure there is.
- What? - He lost!
Casey, when...
Dana, I work in a bottom-line business.
You win or you lose, and Deputy Gordon lost.
Please don't call him Deputy Gordon.
He hasn't made deputy?
He is the assistant U.S. attorney for the Southern district,
and this was a very tough loss, so I don't want you to say anything.
I wouldn't say anything.
I'm grateful to him as any good citizen would be.
Organized crime is a scourge that affects us all,
and I just thank God he won.
No, wait... he lost.
Casey, I'm serious.
You betcha.
How's the writer's block?
You're gonna need to get someone to fix my computer.
What's wrong with it?
It's in several pieces on my floor.
The writer's block that Dan had experienced
that one morning had continued on through the afternoon and into the early evening.
There's nothing that Dan likes more than writing,
so this day was particularly tough on him.
And I want to ask for your patience and support during this period.
Okay... why did that happen?
Shock therapy.
- Shock therapy. - Leave this to me.
I'm gonna knock the writer's block right outta ya.
By throwing water in my face?
By surprising you with the unexpected.
That was step one. There's not gonna be any more water.
What's step two?
I thought you said there wasn't gonna be any more water.
It was surprising and unexpected.
Yes, it was.
Hey, look who's here.
Hey, Casey.
Hey, Gordon. Listen, Dana told me
you were a little down about the verdict in your trial,
so I just wanted you to know I'm not gonna do any jokes.
I'm not going to give you a hard time.
I appreciate it.
So, this, uh, party at Gracie Mansion...
must be going pretty late.
Yeah, we'll catch the tail end of it.
Do you think the mayor's gonna chew you out
for so spectacularly blundering the case?
I don't actually work for the mayor.
I work for the U.S. Department of Justice.
And a hell of a year you guys have been having.
You know, Casey...
I won't deny this hasn't been my finest hour,
but there's really nothing you can say that's gonna rattle me.
I'm just happy to be here, happy to be talking to you,
happy to be having sex with Dana every night.
You know...
It really wasn't my intention
to discuss any Dana-related matters.
No, I was just reading this "New York Times" piece
on the forensic evidence, the ballistics match,
the eyewitnesses, and the 78 hours worth of wiretaps,
a portion of which included the defendant saying,
"I killed him. I killed him. I killed him dead"...
...and was wondering what the heck a fella has to do
to get thrown in jail on your watch.
Well, how 'bout I run you through an IRS audit
and we find out?
You got nothing on me, counselor.
I live my life clean as my mother's kitchen floor.
Is that your name up on a Monday Night Football office pool?
Yeah.
Are you familiar with Federal Section Code 4 of the Rico Act?
No.
Then before I decide to subpoena your whole family,
why don't you go write your television show
and leave the smarty-boy remarks to those of us with postgraduate degrees?
Okay.
- I've got a problem. - What?
Gordon is a more formidable foe than I suspected.
Yeah, well, my daughter's dating a Republican.
Whatcha doin'?
Looking for my talent.
You gotta relax. It'll pass.
You had to write my script for me tonight.
You've had to write for me before.
I feel like somebody put a mojo on me.
I-I-I'm tense, my mind's racing...
like I'm gonna blow apart. I...
Listen, seriously, you need to relax.
Just take however long you need, sip your coffee, and relax.
Yeah.
Did it work?
Natalie, I don't have the hiccups.
Writer's block doesn't go away just by...
10 minutes to air.
Somebody get Dan a towel.
That's 113rd-period goals in 3 games.
And that would be a record except for what, Dan?
The Montreal Canadiens.
The Montreal Canadiens of 1973,
The lnhabitants.
133rd-period goals in 3 games.
You're watching "Sports Night" on CSC, so stick around.
- We're out. - 90 seconds back.
I'm still looking for the Chyron on two.
- It's on four. - It's on two.
- It's on four. - We got a Chyron on two?
Mush-mouse and pumpkin-puss are looking for it.
Guys.
Stay away from me.
On page 66, halfway down in the NFL injury report, it says,
"Collins is expected to miss practice this week,
the result of a bulging disk."
Yeah?
There's a typo on the TelePrompTer. They left out the "s".
"Collins is expected to be sidelined
a week to 10 days with a bulging di-" Uh-oh!
Whoa, that's a big 10-4.
My next line in the script was, "Let's go to the videotape."
We might have gotten some phone calls.
You've probably noticed that I haven't said anything
about Natalie Hurley in this letter.
I'm sure you were reading in the papers about the incident in the locker room.
Things have calmed down here considerably since then.
I fell asleep once while making her dinner,
and that's a whole other story, but since that night,
it seems like things have been kind of awkward between us.
It's hard to resist the urge to ask her out,
but I doubt that would do much to lessen the awkwardness.
While I was writing this just now,
something kinda cool happened.
I was sitting here at 1:00 A.M.
when I heard music coming from the studio.
What did we come back here for?
9-ball... it's gonna be great.
Greta Lipsik and Yoshira Yatsimura?
Throw out your rule book.
I can't hear it in here! Crank it!
What's going on?
Lola Falana over here got us thrown out of the bar.
What, is there a law against dancing now? Is that what it's come to?
Of course not.
Chris and Will are pumping it in on the monitors.
There's a law against shooting somebody
and dumping the body at Bayside,
but you wouldn't think so to listen to Barney Fife.
♪ My, my, my, my, my boogie shoes ♪ Come here.
♪ Just to boogie with you ♪
♪ Uh-huh, I want to do it till the sun comes up ♪
♪ Oh, yeah... ♪
How are ya?
- Good. - Good.
♪ Till I can't get enough ♪ I'm gonna do something now,
and I don't want it to startle you.
- Are you going to throw water at me? - No.
♪ I want to put on my, my, my, my, my boogie shoes ♪
♪ Just to boogie with you ♪
No big deal.
♪ I want to put on ♪ Just something we did.
♪ My, my, my, my, my boogie shoes ♪
♪ Just to boogie with you ♪ Stamps.
One last thing...
Dan finally got over his writer's block.
He met Stacy Kerr at The Smoking Dog.
Stacy plays on the women's professional beach volleyball tour.
Turns out Stacy's a big fan of Dan's
and was particularly taken by his writing.
How are you able to write that way?
I mean, what goes on in your head?
How did you get that style?
♪ My, my, my, my, my boogie shoes ♪
And in that moment, Dan was reminded once again
why he wanted to write in the first place.
It's for the same reason anybody does anything...
to impress women.
Stay out of trouble, Louise.
Love, Jeremy.
♪ My, my, my, my, my boogie shoes ♪ Oooh!
♪ Just to boogie with you ♪
♪ Yeah, I want to put on my, my, my, my, my boogie shoes ♪